


Something Bad is Happening

by returnoftheborle



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Also there's the whole rape scene with the General, F/M, HIV/AIDS, It's not covered in extensive detail though, Loving and Supportive Price Family, M/M, Mormonism, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Running away from your problems, Sickness, Spooky Mormon Hell Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-12-11 08:23:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11710569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/returnoftheborle/pseuds/returnoftheborle
Summary: Kevin Price has his life together. He's going to go on his mission and do something incredible, then come home and raise a big Mormon family. Except within two hours of arriving in Uganda, his entire life has been upended. He finally makes it home and works to put the traumatic events of his mission behind him, but when he collapses one day in his senior year of college, he discovers that not everything stays buried in the past.





	1. Chapter 1

The first four days of his mission were a blur.

It had all happened so fast. It felt like he had barely arrived before he was thrust into the brutal world of the Ugandan people. And when it was all over and he had stopped and evaluated everything that had happened he found that he was actually glad that he had come to Uganda. Even if he had seen a man get shot and ended up getting raped by the local warlord.

And then they had all decided to stay and spread the Book of Arnold and surprisingly, Kevin didn’t think he’d ever been so happy. During the day he and the other elders helped Arnold spread the word, and at night he sat in the living room of the Mission Hut and listened as all the other elders told stories about home. There was only one problem.

About two weeks into his mission he woke up one night with his stomach churning. Jolting out of bed he raced for the bathroom, barely making it before his dinner made a reappearance. He stayed crouched over the toilet for the rest of the night. Every time he tried to go back to bed he felt the urge to start heaving again. That was where Elder McKinley found him.

“O-M-Gosh! Elder Price! Are you ok?” The normally cheery Elder’s voice was filled with concern.

Kevin groaned, “Do I look ok, Elder McKinley?”

He felt a hand rubbing at his back soothingly, “How long have you been like this, Elder?”

He shook his head, then stopped when another wave of nausea overtook him. “I don’t know. A couple of hours maybe?”

“Oh you poor thing!” Elder McKinley cooed. “Don't worry, you’ll be fine in a bit. Almost everyone here has had the same reaction to the Ugandan food at first. It’ll pass in a few days.”

“A few days?” Kevin exclaimed, his head shooting up to look at the other elder. He winced at the sudden flash of vertigo.

“Oh yes. But don’t worry! It could be much worse. Poor Elder Church was messy on both ends.”

Kevin groaned at the image that appeared in his head and bent back down over the toilet. He felt Elder McKinley rub his back once more, before the other elder stood up and exited the bathroom. Kevin let out a quiet grunt and dropped his head onto the toilet, before thinking better of it and sitting up again. When, after thirty seconds, he didn’t feel the urge to dry heave, he flushed the toilet and stood up gingerly. 

Elder McKinley reentered the room carrying a glass of water. “Here you go, Elder. Just gargle with this and brush your teeth afterwards. I’ll be outside when you’re done,” he said gently, before exiting the room. 

Kevin looked in the mirror, taking in his pale face and limp hair (no matter what he did the Ugandan heat made it flat and droopy) before taking a large sip of the water and swishing it around his mouth and spitting it into the sink. He reached for his tooth brush and used it quickly before drinking what was left in the glass. Leaving it on the edge of the sink, he turned and made his way out of the bathroom to where Elder McKinley was leaning against the wall waiting for him. “Are you going to be alright to get back to bed, Elder Price?” he asked.

“I think so,” Kevin nodded. “Thank you, Elder.”

“Of course!” Elder McKinley suddenly leaned down and picked up a bucket sitting at his feet that Kevin had failed to notice. “Here you go, Elder! Just keep this by your bed in case you can’t make it to the bathroom in time, alright?”

“Thank you, Elder. Good night.”

“Good night, Elder Price! Try to get some sleep, it’ll help you get better faster!” With a wave and a smile, Elder McKinley turned and walked towards his office.

Kevin frowned, “Elder?”

McKinley stopped and turned to face him, “Yes?”

“Why aren’t you going to your room? Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?”

McKinley waved it off, “Oh, I just have some paperwork to file. The Church is all up in a tizzy because of what happened. There’s just some extra forms I need to fill out, is all. I’ll go to bed soon.”

“OK. Just… don’t stay up to late, ok? Like you said, sleep is important.”

He smiled, “Thank you, Elder. I’ll go to bed soon. Now go get some sleep.”

Kevin turned and made his way back to his own room. Arnold was still snoring on his bed, completely oblivious to how ill his companion had just been. Kevin sighed and placed the bucket down, then crawled into bed, ignoring how his stomach churned as he moved. Finally finding a position that was comfortable, he curled up and went to sleep.

\------

“Elder, this isn’t really necessary,” Kevin complained as McKinley tried to force feed him some broth.

“Nonsense, Elder, you need to eat, we both know that.”

“Yes, but I don’t need to be spoon-fed,” he argued. “I am still capable of moving my hand to my mouth.”

“Elder Price, it is my job to take care of all of the elders that work under me as I see fit, and last I checked, you were one of those elders. Now let me do my job,” the redhead ordered.

Kevin sighed, “Fine,” and opened his mouth. McKinley beamed and placed the spoon to his lips, waiting for Kevin to sip the broth off of it. After the first spoonful, they both paused to gauge Kevin’s reaction. His stomach rolled, but nothing came back up, so they both took that as a good sign, and McKinley brought the spoon back up for him to sip from again.

He had a sudden flashback to when he was a child and fell ill. His mother would bundle him up in blankets on the couch and force some simple chicken broth down his throat.

_“Momma, I don’t feel so good,” he muttered, stumbling into the kitchen. His mother took one look at his flushed cheeks and began to usher him to the living room._

_“Honey,” she instructed her husband, “you get the others off to school. I’ll take care of Kevin.” She sat him down on the couch and pressed her hand to his forehead, “Oh, you’ve definitely got a fever, sweetheart. Just wait right here, ok? Momma’s going to get you some blankets and say goodbye to Daddy.”_

_He sat there as she left the room, fully intending to listen to her. After all, he was a good boy, and good boys obeyed their mothers. Besides, he was nine now and had to set a good example for his younger siblings. But she had barely been gone for five minutes when he suddenly stood up and dashed for the bathroom, bending over the toilet._

_Mrs. Price came back into the living room after seeing her husband off to work with their children in his car to find her son missing. However, she soon figured out where he was as she followed the sounds of retching to the bathroom. She sighed, “Oh sweetheart,” and rubbed his back gently. When he had finished and was just dry heaving occasionally she smiled down at him. “Wait here, dear. I’m going to fetch you a glass of water, all right?”_

_“Yes, Mom,” he replied, slumping over the toilet. When his mom came back she had a packaged toothbrush and a glass of water._

_“Here you go, Kevin. Swish some water around your mouth and brush your teeth, then come to the living room when you’re done, alright?” He nodded and did as she asked. When he got to the living room she wasn’t there, but there was a bucket on the floor, a large pile of blankets on the couch and he could hear her moving around in the kitchen.He grabbed one of the blankets and pulled it over him as he curled up on the couch. A minute later his mom walked back into the room, holding a tray with a steaming bowl on it and a bag of crackers. “Would you like some soup, Kevin? Or some crackers?”_

_Although his stomach rebelled at the thought of food he pointed a shaky hand at the crackers. “Those please.”_

_His mother set the tray down on the table and grabbed the crackers. She began feeding them to Kevin one by one, humming softly as she did so. When the crackers were finished she asked, “Would you like anything else, sweetheart?”_

_“Can you tell me a story?” He yawned._

_She smiled, “Any particular story?”_

_“Cinderella.”_

_“Alright, Cinderella it is. Once Upon a Time…”_

“Elder Price!”

Kevin snapped back to attention. He wasn't five years old, he wasn't on the couch in his childhood home, and he certainly wasn't being fed by his mother. “Yes, Elder McKinley?”

“I was worried, Elder. I called your name several times, but you didn't respond.”

He shook his head, “Sorry, just… thinking I guess.”

“Thinking about what?”

He laughed softly, “It’s silly.”

“If it makes you happy, it's not silly,” McKinley replied firmly, setting the now empty bowl down on the try on Arnold's bed. “Now what is it?”

“I was thinking about the last time I was sick like this,” Kevin admitted. “I was nine, I think. My mom took care of me. She fed me crackers and told me a story…” his voice trailed off before he said softly, “I miss her.”

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up at McKinley. The other elder was smiling sympathetically, “I understand, Elder. Tell me, what story was it?”

“Cinderella. This was about a month after we went to Orlando and I still had Disney fever.”

“I hate to break it to you, Elder Price,” McKinley said solemnly, “but I don't think you ever lost your Disney fever.”

“Elder McKinley! That is just rude. I'm sick, you can't make fun of me,” he replied indignantly.

McKinley giggled, “My apologies, Elder. Now Cinderella, was it?”

“What?”

“Let’s see… Once Upon a Time -”

“Elder McKinley, you don't have to tell me a story,” Kevin protested.

“Nonsense, Elder. Besides, how do you know I’m not telling myself a story and just saying it out loud?”

“I… Well, I…”

“Exactly! Now hush, and let me do this.” McKinley pulled his legs up and sat crisscross, wiggling around to get comfortable. “Where was I? Oh yes! Once Upon a Time…”

Kevin closed his eyes and let the sound of McKinley’s voice wash over him, calm and soothing. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

\--------

All of a sudden it seemed like Elder McKinley was everywhere. Before he’d gotten ill Kevin had spent most of his time with Arnold, spreading the word of God, and attempting to keep Arnold and Naba from sneaking off together (and really, if those two thought they were being subtle, they were dead wrong). But now, it seemed that Elder McKinley was cropping up everywhere.

It started when they changed the duty roster. Up until this point the elders had all been sticking with their assigned mission companions because so much had changed in their lives that they wanted at least a little bit of familiarity. But during the fourth week, Elder McKinley decided to change things up.

“Elders!” he announced cheerfully, waving around a piece of paper as he made his way into the main room. They all tended to congregate here after dinner. “I have our new duty roster!”

“What’s wrong with the one we have?” asked Elder Church, not looking up from his book.  
“We already spend so much time with our companions that I decided we should switch it up and get to know one another!” he replied. “Our new pairings and assignments are completely random; I drew slips of paper out of my tap shoes. Pass this around and get a good look everyone!”

As the sheet of paper made it’s way around the room and the other elders identified their new jobs and companions Kevin barely refrained from closing his eyes and praying. One of the duties on the roster included acclimatizing the newly converted Elder Butt-Fucking-Naked and his followers to a life of peace. If he got that job he might be sick again, even though the last time he had gotten sick was over a week ago. When the sheet got to him he took it nervously before glancing down and finding his name.

> **Elder Price**  
>  **Elder MckInley ******  
> **Children’s Lessons **  
> ****

He breathed a sigh of relief and passed the sheet to Elder Poptarts, who was currently attempting to knit - Kimbay had taught him last week and he had been practicing furiously - while also eating a poptart. Someone, he was managing to not get too many crumbs stuck to the yarn, although Kevin wasn’t entirely sure how. He took the duty roster with a crumb -filled smile and a nod. When the sheet finally got back to McKinley he waved it all at them. “I think you’ll all remember this, but just in case you forget, it’ll be in my office. Feel free to stop by and look at it.” He turned to go back to his office, then stopped and called over his shoulder, “Elder Price, can we meet in my office for a moment to discuss what we’ll be doing for lessons with the children?” 

“Of course, Elder McKinley.” Kevin stood up, handing his book to Arnold, and hurried after the district leader. When he entered the office, McKinley was sitting at his desk, tucking the roster away in a drawer. He looked up and smiled at Kevin, then gestured towards one of the seats. Kevin quickly shut the door behind himself and sat down. “I should warn you, Elder, that I have absolutely no idea what to do for the children’s lessons.”

“Don’t worry, I have a few,” McKinley replied, his eyes twinkling. “But that’s not why I asked you to come talk to me.”

“It isn’t?”

They were silent for a minute, McKinley watching him intensely and Kevin uncomfortably shifting around in his seat. Finally McKinley asked, “Is everything ok?”

“What?”

“You seemed… twitchy, when the roster was being passed around. Is there any reason for that?”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kevin replied. “You must have been imagining things.”

“Elder Price -”

“Elder McKinley, I promise, there is nothing wrong with me.” He stood up abruptly. “Now unless you actually want to talk about the children’s lessons, I’m going to go back to the others.”

McKinley stared at him for a long moment, then said, “No. No, I think that will be all. Elder Price. Meet me here tomorrow morning when the other’s go out for their duties and we’ll get started with that planning.”

“Yes, Elder,” Kevin answered stiffly before turning around and exiting the room. He glanced down the hallway at the main room where all the other elders were sitting, then turned and walked towards his room. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with them right now.

\--------

Kevin couldn’t sleep.

He’d been lying in bed for hours now. Arnold had long since come in and passed out on his cot, but try as he might, Kevin just couldn’t get himself to do the same. Every time he closed his eyes his conversation with Elder McKinley circled through his head. Finally he sighed, giving up, and hauled himself out of bed, heading for the kitchen. He was surprised to see the light on as he approached, and a figure sitting at the table. “Elder McKinley? What are you doing up?”

The district leader’s head shot up to look at him, his eyes bloodshot, before flashing a wry grin. “The same could be said of you, Elder Price.”

He shrugged, “Couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Bad dreams,” McKinley replied, taking a sip from the mug of tea sitting in front of him.

“Hell dreams?” Kevin asked hesitantly. McKinley barked a laugh and took another sip of his tea. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

“It’s no big deal,” McKinley sighed. “I’m used to them by now.”

“Used to them?” Kevin sat down across the table from the other elder, a glass of water in his hand. “How long have you been having them?”

“Every night since I was in fifth grade, so about… nine, ten years now?”

“Is this because of, you know, your gay thoughts? Because I thought you said -”

“I know what I said, Elder, but one does not simply throw off a decade of internal homophobia and oppression in a month,” he replied, smiling bitterly

There was a silence. “I’m sorry, Elder.”

McKinley sighed, “Call me Connor?”

“What?”

“If we’re having this conversation, I’d prefer to have it with someone who at least knows my name.”

“Oh.” He shifted in his seat. “I’m Kevin.”

McKinley smiled again, although it wasn’t bitter this this time, and extended a hand across the table. “Nice to meet you, Kevin.”

He smiled back and shook the other elder’s hand. “You too, Connor.”

\--------

“I think we should teach them to dance,” Connor argued leaning forward over his desk..

Kevin sighed, slumping in his chair. “Why? What is dancing going to teach children about Heavenly Father?”

“Dancing is done at celebrations, right? We’ll teach them a few simple dances to help them celebrate Heavenly Father.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s really good,” Kevin replied sarcastically. “There’s only one problem.”

“And what is that?”

“You may be able to dance, but I certainly can’t!”

“Oh, is that it?” Connor waved away his concerns. “I can teach you the dances easily. It’s not going to be anything complicated. And if you can’t pick the moves up you can just supervise while I teach.”

“What dances would we even teach them?” Kevin asked, grasping at straws to try and convince the other elder this was a bad idea.

Connor shrugged, “Some simple jazz combinations? I would say we could teach them so tap dances, but the lack of even basic, everyday shoes is a bit of an issue.”

“I’m really not sure if -”

“Oh come on, please? They'll enjoy it so much!”

“Yeah but who will enjoy it more, them or you?” He countered.

Connor just pouted at him, “Please?” They stared at each other for a minute neither willing to back down, until Kevin slumped back in his seat with a huff.

“Fine!” he said, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. “You win! Let’s teach the kids to dance.”

“Perfect!” exclaimed Connor happily. “Come on, I’ll teach you some of the combos.” He stood up and began pushing his office furniture out of the way.

“Woah, woah, wait a minute. Now?”

“Why not?” He shrugged. “There’s no time like the present, Elder Price!”

Kevin sighed, “We’ve been over this. You can call me Kevin.”

“Right, of course. There’s no time like the present, Kevin! Now help my move this desk.” Together the two elders managed to shove the heavy desk to one side. Once the chairs were out of the way, there was a nice area left in the middle of the floor where they could move around. Connor stood in the middle of the room with his hands on his hips and beamed. “Perfect! Come stand behind me so I can teach you.”

Kevin did as asked, albeit with a sigh of reluctance. He tried to copy the district leader as Connor moved into a pose. “I feel ridiculous,” he muttered.

Connor looked over his shoulder, “You look fine. Just try not to think about it too hard, let it come naturally.”

“Let what come naturally, my nonexistent ability to actually move with ease, grace, and beauty? Also, don't you need music to dance?”

“I was thinking we can teach the kids to sing songs as they dance. Sort of like the tribal chants they already have, you know?”

“Huh,” Kevin replied, staring at the other elder. “That's actually not a bad idea.”

“I know,” Connor giggled. “You're not the only one capable of coming up with good ideas, you know. Now follow my lead.”

What followed could only be described as a train wreck. Connor spent an hour attempting to teach Kevin some simple steps, but it became very clear that Kevin, who was normally very well balanced, became an absolute klutz when trying to coordinate his hands and his feet. Finally Connor sighed, “This isn’t working.”

Kevin glared up at him from his seat on the floor, where he was nursing the new bruise on his elbow. “Really? What tipped you off?”

“Oh hush, stop being so negative. Clearly we need to come up with another idea.”

Kevin eyed the other elder, who, although still speaking with his normal cheerful, had a downcast look in his eye. He sighed, “No, I like the dance idea. How about you teach the dances and I can just be your assistant if you need help controlling the kids?”

“No, that's not fair to you, you shouldn't have to -”

“Connor! It's ok. I really don't mind. You want to teach them to dance, so teach them to dance.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Kevin rolled his eyes. “I'll have coloring pages or something for the ones who don't want to dance.”

“Ok,” Connor beamed at him. “That sounds wonderful.”

\--------

“Connor? Where are you going?”

The other elder looked over at him while swinging the door open. “Oh, Kevin! I didn’t see you there. I was just going for a walk.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow, looking pointedly at the darkening sky visible through the doorway. “You do realize it’s about to be nighttime in Uganda, right?”

“So?”

He sighed. “You’re going to get yourself killed if you go out there now.”

Connor waved off his concern. “I’ll be fine.”

“Safari Ants, Connor. Safari Ants, and robbers, and you know that some of Elder BFN’s men who wouldn’t convert are probably still running around out there.” 

“Kevin,” Connor smiled, “it’s ok. I have a spot I go to whenever I do this, and I promise I don’t go very far from the the mission hut, alright? I’ll be fine.”

“You go walking at night by yourself regularly? Are you crazy? Please tell me you at least tell someone before you go.” His questions were met with an embarrassed flush as Connor looked at the floor and shuffled his feet. Kevin groaned. “Oh my - of course you don’t. What happened to the responsible district leader you’re supposed to be?”

“I am capable of looking after myself, you know,” he replied hotly. “There’s a _reason_ I was chosen as district leader, and it wasn’t because I have no sense of self preservation.”

“Walking around at night in the Ugandan desert isn’t self preservation, it’s lunacy!”

“Well I don’t care!” Connor snapped. “I’m going to go for a walk now, and you can’t stop me, _Elder_.”

Kevin froze in shock. This was the first time in six months, since the failed dance lessons, that Connor had called him anything other than his given name. It suddenly hit him how badly he must have hurt Connor’s feelings for him to revert to the title of elder. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I just… You’re my friend. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Connor’s piercing gaze softened. “It’s ok, Kevin.” He sighed. “Look, if it makes you feel better you can come with me to make sure I get back safe?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude…”

“You’re obviously not comfortable with the idea of me getting hurt, which is sweet, really. So yeah, you can come along.”

“Ok,” Kevin said, stepping forward. “Let’s go then, before the open door lets the Safari Ants in here.”

Connor laughed, “You do know that Naba only made those up to scare the new elders, right?”

“I don’t care, I’m not taking any chances,” Kevin replied firmly. Connor laughed again and shut the door behind them. Kevin smiled slightly, glad he’d been able to cheer the other elder up. “Now where is this spot of yours?”

Connor grabbed his hand and began dragging him away from the hut, “It’s over by the river, come on!”  
\-------

One thing that had quickly been established in the mission hut was that Kevin would be the one to make dinner, a task he always relished. Growing up he and his mother had bonded over a stove, cooking together until they could move around a kitchen in total harmony with each other. Sadly, dinner prep in Uganda was often a solitary task, with the other elders usually passed out in their rooms after a long day of proselytizing. Kevin missed having someone in the kitchen with him to make small talk with. Sometimes though, one of the other elders would come watch him cook, or even, if they were in a good mood, help him cook. Arnold was normally the one who would help him while in the kitchen, but Kevin also had fond memories of teaching Elder Church how to properly toss a salad.

Suddenly Kevin became aware of another presence in the kitchen. He turned to see Connor, standing tentatively in the doorway. He smiled shyly and Kevin mirrored him, albeit with confusion. “Connor! What are you doing here, I thought you normally take a nap right now.”

He shrugged, “I couldn’t sleep. Besides, I’ve started sleeping through the night recently, I don't need to nap as much any more.”

“You're sleeping through the night? Connor, that's fantastic!”

Connor grinned sheepishly, “I suppose so, yes. I mean, it took an entire year, but -”

“But nothing! Seriously, Con, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Kevin,” he flushed. “So… what are we cooking?”

Kevin recognized the abrupt conversation change as an attempt to deflect the previous topic, but he figured it was Connor’s decision when he wanted to talk about this. “Mafala apparently caught an antelope when he went on that hunting trip, so I think we're having antelope steak salad tonight.”

“You think?” Connor teased.

“Shut up.”

He laughed. “How can I help?”

“Oh, well, just cut up those carrots?” As Connor did so Kevin began to ramble on, “Honestly, I’m so thankful those seeds Arnold’s mom sent grew, it's so nice to have fresh vegetables to eat. I never realized how much I loved salad until I got to Uganda.”

Connor laughed, “Would you believe me if I said I was never a big fan of vegetables? MY parents used to bribe me to eat my greens at dinner.”

“What did they use as incentive?”

“Dance accessories. I got my first pair of tap shoes because I agreed to eat asparagus.”

Kevin chuckled, dropping the meat in the simple oil and vinegar marinade he’d made. “Your parents were creative, I’ll give you that. Have you heard from them, by the way? I know you sent your mom a letter.”

Connor’s happy expression dimmed and he looked down at the carrots he was slicing. “Yeah, I heard from them.”

“And?”

“There’s a reason I was raised believing that being a homosexual was wrong,” he replied bitterly. “They informed me that I wasn’t allowed to come home until I’d ‘seen the error of my ways and repented my sins to Heavenly Father.’ They’re sending all of my things to my cousin Kayla, who got excommunicated a few years ago after she got pregnant out of wedlock and refused to give up the baby.”

“Oh, Connor. I’m so sorry,” Kevin responded softly, his heart going out to the other Elder as he struggled to think of a way to lighten the mood. They were quiet for a minute, Kevin deep in thought before he grinned mischievously. “You know what would make you feel all better? A nice, big hug.”

“What? Kevin? _Kevin!_ You have raw antelope meat on your hands, get away from me!” He shrieked, dashing around the countertop in his attempts to get away from him. Kevin laughed, reaching out to try and grab Connor as he ran to the other side. They ended up facing each other across the top of their dining table, both breathing heavily but with big smiles on their faces. “Thanks for cheering me up,” Connor said gratefully after a pause for both to catch their breath a little.

“Of course,” replied Kevin. “You look much better with a smile on your face anyway.” 

It was entirely true, especially right then. Connor always looked amazing, but this was perhaps the best Kevin had ever seen him. He was still panting slightly, face flushed and glowing from the exertion as he beamed at the other man, his hair mussed as if someone had been running their hands through it. Kevin’s mind couldn’t help but conjure up what it would feel to be the one doing so, perhaps in a supply closet as they-

Wait, why was he imagining that?

 _Fuck_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a panic attack in the middle of the chapter

Later that night Kevin lay on his bed and had a mild panic attack. He couldn't like Connor. He couldn't! He was Kevin Price and he was the perfect Mormon and he was straight. Straight as an arrow. Except, well, he wasn't really the perfect Mormon anymore, was he? 

Sometimes he wondered about what he could have done differently, if there had ever been a way to stop this mission from falling apart, or if it had been a doomed venture from the moment he and Arnold had been paired together. He'd spent several sleepless nights imagining how things could have gone; if he had just done this, or not said this. If he’d run away before he set a single foot in that airport. If he hadn't tried to leave Uganda, leave Arnold, if he hadn't gone to the general - no. No, those thoughts never lead anywhere good. It was best to avoid them altogether.

Besides, that wasn’t the problem here. The problem was that he was maybe, ever so slightly, just a tiny little bit in love with Connor McKinley. 

Just a little.

But that couldn’t be right, could it? Connor was his friend. If he was being honest, Connor was probably his best friend, other than Arnold. And yet… It made sense. Looking back on all of their interactions he could see how from the outside they might be interpreted as romantic. Holding hands, comforting each other after a hell dream, late night walks to the river. He’d never looked at it that way before, but now that the thought had been implanted in his head their interactions had always been a bit too friendly on his part to be platonic. In retrospect it looked as though he’d been in love with Connor for a long time. 

He tried it out, testing how it felt on his tongue, whispering at first, then growing louder and louder as he grew more confident. “I love Connor McKinley,” he said, pronouncing everything slowly and carefully. “I, Kevin Price, love Connor McKinley.”

“Well it’s about time!”

Kevin whirled around. “Arnold?”

His companion shut the door and bounced into the room, collapsing on the bed beside Kevin. “Nabaluigi and I have been waiting for you and Elder McKinley to figure it out for a year!”

Kevin paled. “You what?”

“Yeah! Elder Church was the one who figured it out first, but Elder Poptarts is the one who suggested the bet. Naba and I bet together. Now if you can just wait a week before you go around announcing that to any of the other elders -”

“Wait a minute, hold on,” said Kevin in disbelief. “You’re telling me that everyone knew?”

“Of course, buddy, neither of you were exactly subtle. Now, when did you two start actually dating? Because if it was five months ago, Nigel Farage and I get an extra ten Poptarts.”

“We’re… We’re not… There’s nothing…” he stammered.

Arnold’s face contorted in confusion. “There’s nothing what? Use your words, Kevin.”

“Shut up,” he replied, shoving at his friend's shoulder. “Connor - Elder McKinley and I aren’t together.”

“You’re not?” asked Arnold with disappointment. “Why?”

Kevin bristled. “That’s not really any of your business, is it?”

“Hey, I’m only asking -”

“Yeah, well stop!” He snapped. “I’m going for a walk.” He hurried out of the room as quickly as he could, making a beeline for the front door of the mission hut. Shutting the door quietly behind him he darted towards the river, walking the path that he knew like the back of his hand, before sitting down under the solitary tree. He leaned back, resting his head against the trunk. He always hated getting mad at Arnold. He never even really meant to do it. He was just new to this whole idea of having a friendship be a two-way deal, instead of someone else gushing about him. And yeah, that was a shitty excuse, but it was the best one he had, alright?

Back home, he’d never paid much attention to other people. Everything had been about him, about trying to prove himself to Heavenly Father. Even if it meant hurting those around him, he’d just never really cared. But he’d learned, over the course of his time in Uganda, how fragile relationships could be. Most of the other Elders had lost their entire families by agreeing to stay. Elder Zelder had lost his fiance. A beyond that, there were all the Africans they’d baptized and become friends with whom they’d lost, whether it be to an accident or an infection. Mutombo was one of those Africans. After converting to the Church he would often be found at the mission hut, asking questions about Heavenly Father or praying. He’d become a good friend to all of them, and when he’d finally succumbed to AIDS, they’d mourned for weeks. It had been hard for all of them, losing people they cared about. So yeah, Kevin thought he knew a thing or two about caring for and losing people now.

That’s what made his mind up, in the end. The thought of losing Connor, of losing one of the closest friendships he’d ever had, was horrible. So he wasn’t going to risk it. He wasn’t going to say anything. And if that meant he had to suffer in silence, so be it.

\--------

It was hard sometimes to believe how much time had passed since he’d first arrived in Uganda. It didn’t feel like two years. Yet here he was, packing his suitcase, preparing to leave the mission hut for the last time.

He’d just folded the last white shirt and placed it in his suitcase - all suitcases had been generously re-gifted to the elders by Elder BFN when he joined the church - when Arnold came into the room. “Hey, good buddy,” the other elder said nervously.

Kevin frowned. “Arnold? Is something wrong?”

“I, uh, I have something I need to talk to you about?”

“What’s up?”

Arnold sat down on his bed and fiddled with his hands. “I think… I, um, that is…” he took a deep breath, fortifying himself. “I think I’m going to stay here. Keep spreading the Word for a little bit.”

“You’re what?”

“I’m going to stay here,” Arnold repeated firmly. “I’ve done some thinking and -”

“And you’re in love with Naba.”

He flushed. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Kevin closed his suitcase and walked around the bed to sit down beside Arnold. “You know I’ll support you no matter what, but are you positive this is what you want?”

“I am,” he replied without hesitation. “I love Naba and I want to stay here. Not forever, maybe just for a year or so. I just don’t want to lose her yet, and she refuses to leave Uganda.”

“Ok. If this is what you want, then I’m here for you,” Kevin said softly. “Just try not to get into too much trouble, alright?”

Arnold beamed. “You really mean it?”

“Of course! I would do anything for you. You’re my best friend.” No sooner had Kevin spoken those words than a pair of arms circled him and pulled him into a hug. He returned the embrace eagerly, resting his head on top of Arnold’s. “Write to me, ok?”

“Ok,” Arnold replied happily. Kevin grinned, although it was bittersweet. He was glad his companion was coming into his own, but Kevin was going to miss him, especially now that he couldn’t be contacted easily. But this was what Arnold wanted, and so Kevin would respect his wishes and not say anything. Besides, he’d been expecting this. He’d watched Arnold and Nabalungi’s relationship grow over the past two years and anyone who couldn’t see that they were in love was blind. If Kevin had that kind of love, he didn’t think he would want to leave it either. 

\--------

The Ugandans had decided to throw a goodbye party for the elders, complete with music, food, and alcohol. It was here that Arnold intended to make the announcement that he would be staying, although he had told Kevin that he had another surprise up his sleeve.

_“What kind of surprise?” Kevin asked._

_“A really, really good one,” Arnold replied._

_Kevin sighed, “Arnold, with you that could mean anything. That could mean you’ve created another religion, or have actually been gifted with prophetic knowledge.”_

_“No, it’s nothing like that,” Arnold laughed. “It’s a normal surprise, I promise.”_

_“You, normal? That’s something I can’t wait to see.”_

Now Arnold was dragging Kevin with him towards the wooden crate he stood on to preach his sermons from. He claimed he wanted Kevin there for emotional support, which just made Kevin more wary of what his best friend was doing.

Arnold climbed on the box, “Hey everyone!” The crowd of gathered Ugandans and Mormons fell silent and turned to face Arnold. Mafala quietly began to drag his daughter towards the front of the crowd. Arnold took a deep breath, “I have an announcement to make.”

“Is something wrong?” asked a villager from the back of the group. Kevin couldn’t see them, but he was pretty sure it was Gotswana.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Arnold replied. He took another deep breath. “As you all know, we are scheduled to leave Ugandan tomorrow. But when the other elders get on the plane, I won’t be with them. I’ve decided to stay here and help continue the growth of the church and -”

He was cut off in the middle of his sentence by the cheers of the villagers, all of whom had been very sad at the idea of their prophet leaving them Arnold tried desperately to regain control of the situation, calling for quiet and casting Kevin helpless glances, but it wasn’t until Mafala yelled a word in Swahili that order was restored.

“And,” continued Arnold, “I would like to do it with the person I care about most in my life. So, Nabalungi Hatimbi, will you marry me?”

A hush seemed to fall over the assembled crowd as they all stared at Naba, anxiously awaiting her answer.“You said my name,” she said, beaming with tears of joy streaking down her face. “You actually said it!”

Arnold laughed nervously, an obnoxious little giggle. “So is that a yes?”

“It would have been a yes whether you said my name or not,” she affirmed, rushing forward. He stepped off the box to gather her in his arms. Kevin beamed at the happy sight as everyone burst into cheers. So this was Arnold’s surprise! He felt ecstatic for his best friend, and rushed forward to be among the first to congratulate them. 

He pulled Naba into a hug, then Arnold. “Proud of you, buddy.” Then Kevin pulled back from the embrace to smile down at his best friend, “I’m coming back to Uganda for the wedding.”

“Of course! Who else would be my best man?” Arnold grinned, before getting swept up in a crowd of well-wishers.

Kevin slipped out of the crowd, heading for the rock he'd been sitting on earlier. He was almost there when he got stopped by Kimpala, who shoved a bottle of what was most likely alcohol into his hands. “It is a celebration, Elder!” She cheered. “Drink!” Kevin reached out to give her the bottle back, opening his mouth to tell her that he didn't drink, but she had already stumbled into the crowd. 

Sighing, he looked down at the bottle in his hand. Once upon a time Kevin would have curled his lip in disgust and put it down on the nearest flat surface. Now though… If he drank coffee all the time and swore then there wasn’t much farther his soul could sink. So why the hell shouldn't he try it? It’s not like he was a good Mormon anymore, right? Tentatively he took a sip. It burned as it went down, but he felt a momentary heat in his chest. Suddenly it made sense why people tried to drown their sorrows in alcohol. He took another, bigger swig from the bottle, then another, and another. Before long everything felt tingly and the edges of his vision were blurred.

He looked around at the party before him. Everyone was preoccupied, either by congratulating the happy couple, who were beaming and clinging to each other, or by dancing to the rhythm of the drums that several people had brought. In fact, he thought wryly, with the way that Elder Zelder and a local girl named Mahari were hanging onto each other as they danced, it was a wonder there weren’t two elders staying behind.

Seeing the two happy couples struck a chord in his mind and he began frantically searching the rest of the arty. It was just as he suspect - he was the only one alone, while all of his friends were having a good time. Kevin felt his heart sink and a pit grew in his stomach. He’d thought he’d made progress here, that he finally had actual friends, people who liked him and wanted to spend time together. But obviously not, because now he sat alone with a bottle of alcohol while they all danced around. No one even bother looking his way. Feeling sick, he stood up, wobbling slightly (he may be drunker than he previously thought), and stumbled his way towards the mission hut. 

Kevin leaned on the wall as he walked around to the front door. He reached out and grasped the doorknob, turning it, before he froze at the sound of a familiar voice. “Elder Price.”

Taking a deep breath, he replied through trembling lips, “Elder BFN.”

“I have been waiting all evening to speak to you.”

Kevin took a deep breath and clenched his hands around the bottle, trying to still the tremors that wracked his body. Turning around, he offered his best smile, although he was sure it looked forced. “What can I do for you?”

The other man hovered several feet away from Kevin. He appeared to be trying to diminish his height and seem less threatening, if the slouch in his shoulders was anything to go by. “Elder, I would like to apologize. For what I did.”

“Oh,” said Kevin as he felt his chest grow tight. He started breathing heavily. “That’s, um…”

“I do not expect you to forgive,” the former warlord continued. “But I felt I must tell you before you leave in the morning.”

“Thank you, I… That’s, very, um…” What was wrong with him? Kevin wondered. Was it just the alcohol making his head spin?

“I make you uncomfortable,” BFN said. “I will leave. Goodbye, Elder Price.” With that the man turned on his heels and marched away, his yellow boots kicking up clouds of dirt.

Kevin staggered away from the mission hut, gasping for air as his chest heaved. He didn’t understand. He’d seen the man several times since the Incident, as he had taken to calling it. Why was he only having this reaction now?

 _Because there’ve always been other people around_ whispered a little voice in his head. _But not this time. This time you were all alone. And he was so close… He could have reached out and -_

“No!” Kevin cried, dropping to his knees under a nearby tree and curling up tightly. Tears were streaming down his face and he was shaking so badly that he could barely lift a hand to wipe them off his cheeks. “No, no, no, no, no!”

“Kevin? O-M-Gosh, Kevin!” called a familiar voice. He felt a presence kneel next to him but his vision was so blurred from tears and the alcohol that remained in his system that he couldn’t tell who it was. “What happened?”

“I don’t - I can’t - Please -” he broke off with a whimper.

“Kevin, I -” as the voice spoke Kevin felt a hand on his arm. He yelped and withdrew. “No, Kevin, I’m not going to hurt you! It’s me, it’s Connor.”

“Con - Connor?”

“Yes, it’s Connor, can I touch you? Can I Kevin?”

“C-connor,” he stammered. Now that he knew who it was, could identify the voice, he felt no qualms about reaching out a shaking hand and grasping for his friend. Soon, Connor was holding his hand and had coaxed him to sit up, before tucking Kevin back against his chest. 

Connor pressed a light kiss to his head, “Shh. Shh, it’s ok. You’re ok.”

“It was -” Kevin gasped. “I don't - Right there and I -”

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, alright? Let’s just sit here quietly for now.”

He nodded, still gasping, and curled up further into Connor’s chest. Right now, Connor was the only thing grounding him, stopping him from sinking further into a panic. He tried to concentrate on his friend, on matching their breaths. Connor caught on to what he was doing and began to take slow, even breaths. Soon they were breathing in sync, and Kevin had mostly returned to normal, other than a few stray tears and his still-trembling hands.

“Can you stand?” asked Connor.

Kevin hesitated, then nodded. Connor shifted so that Kevin was no longer on his lap and stood up. He reached down to help Kevin to his feet and supported him as they walked to the mission hut. They made their way slowly to Kevin’s room. When they got there, Connor set Kevin down gently on the unmade bed. “Can I take your clothes off, Kevin?” he asked gently. Kevin stiffened and shook his head. Connor smiled reassuringly. “If you don’t want me to take them off, that’s fine. I just wanted to get you in your PJs. Do you think you can do that by yourself?” Kevin shook his head. “Alright. Can I take your shoes off?” At Kevin’s nod, Connor bent down and untied his shoes, then removed them from his feet. “Alright now, Kevin. Lay back for me, ok? I’m going to tuck you in.”

Kevin dutifully did as asked, laying back and immediately curling into himself. Connor gently laid the blanket overtop of him. “Will you be ok on your own? The others will get worried if I don’t come back soon.”

Kevin nodded and murmured sleepily. “Con… Th-thank you.”

“Hey, it’s ok,” He smiled. “We all have our bad days.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Kevin’s forehead. Kevin tried not to stiffen at the unexpected contact. Then Connor smiled went to the door, before he turned back around and with a cheery wave said, “Good night!”

As the door closed behind him, Kevin smiled softly and closed his eyes.

\--------

When Kevin woke up the next morning he had a headache. His head hurt so much that at first he had trouble remembering what had happened last night, why he was in his uniform still, before it all came rushing back. He blanched. The General… That was the most contact Kevin had had with the man since his first days in Uganda. And he had wanted to apologize? As if that would make anything better? How dare he? Still, Kevin thought, only a few more hours and then he would never have to see the General again. A few more hours and he’d be far away.

However, before he left, there was still a morning routine to follow.

He rolled out of bed, careful not to wake Arnold, who was snoring peacefully on his own bed. Creeping quietly to the bathroom, as he had every day for two years, he quickly showered and brushed his teeth, desperate to get the dry, stale taste out of his mouth. When his appearance finally looked presentable, and not like he’d had a meltdown last night he made his way out to the common room and started on breakfast.

Upon reaching the kitchen, he made a beeline for the pot of coffee. He could function without it in the morning, as the first nineteen years of his life had proved, but now that he’d started drinking it, breakfast was never quite the same without a cup. He wasn’t the only Elder who’d picked up this habit either - Elder Zelder and Elder Neely were just as bad.

During his time in Uganda, Kevin had done his best to insure that all of the Elders ate healthy. Mormons they may be, but they were also teenagers and young adults, and they loved to eat the Ugandan equivalent of junk food. Plus, throw in Poptart’s little addiction, and suddenly Kevin’s self-appointed task seemed very daunting. That didn’t stop him from trying, however, which was why the fridge and pantry were stocked with fruits, vegetables, and proteins. 

Kevin paused as he considered what to make. Normally when someone had to travel, even if it was just to the next village over, he made eggs and sausages. But for this last meal, he wanted something special. So he dug back into the recesses of the pantry and pulled out a his pride and joy - a container of flour that his mother had shipped him and a bag of chocolate chips. He’d been hiding those chips for six months, and so far no one had managed to find them. Might as well use them up before they all left for home.

Humming happily to himself, he bustled around the kitchen preparing everything for the meal. Sausage was cooked, pancake batter was mixed, and the small amounts of berries that he had been hoarding for today were washed. He had the rhythm of breakfast down pat at this point - and sure enough, just as he put the first round of pancakes in the pan, Elder Zelder stumbled into the kitchen. “Coffee’s in the pot,” said Kevin cheerfully. He’d already had a full mug and it hadn’t even been half an hour. 

The other Elder just grunted in return. Unlike Kevin, Zelder was not a morning person, even after he’d had a cup of coffee. It would take a solid hour for him to wake up enough to form coherent sentences.

Kevin returned to the pancakes as the rest of the Elders trickled in. By the time he was finished, all of the other Elders were gathered around the table, eagerly awaiting the food. “Where’s Connor?” Kevin asked as he placed a plate of pancakes on the table. Due to mission rules - and they’d thrown out a lot of the rules, but this was one they’d all agreed to leave in - they all ate meals together, and no one was served until everyone was at the table. Until Connor showed up, they would all just have to sit there and let the pancakes get cold.

Luckily, it wasn’t long before he bustled into the room carrying a stack of papers, his ever present cheerful grin on his face. “Good morning, everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting!”

“Don’t worry, you didn’t keep us waiting for long,” said Poptarts, smiling at his companion. “Elder Price, can we eat now?”

“You know the rules by now, Poptarts. Dig in,” said Kevin with a fond eye-roll. Poptarts always asked that same question after one time when he’d forgotten the rule and been teased for it all day.

The elders dug in with gusto, devouring all the food. As they ate Elder Church asked, “What’s with all the papers, Elder McKinley?”

“Oh, these? They’re contact sheets! We can all go around and write down our information on here, and that way we can all stay in touch!”

“Wow, that’s really smart, Elder!” said Arnold.

Connor beamed, “I’m glad you think so, Elder. We can pass them around after we’re done eating.”

The conversation devolved back into silence again as everyone ate happily. Kevin smiled and stuck a bite of pancakes in his mouth. He was going to miss this.

\--------

After the meal was over and everyone filled out the contact sheets, the other elders scattered, in order to take care of any last minute packing issues leaving just Kevin and Connor behind to put away the dishes.

After a few moments of awkward silence - and that was new, they’d never had problems keeping up conversations before - Kevin cleared his throat and said, “So… About last night.”

Connor smiled. “You don’t have to apologize, Kevin. I get it. The idea of going home… it’s scary.”

“Oh,” Kevin replied numbly. So Connor thought he’d had a panic attack because he was scared to go home. He wasn’t sure what was worse: Connor thinking that, or Connor knowing what had happened with the General. “Yeah.”

Connor reached out and placed a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, “You know you can always talk to me though, instead of bottling it up. We’re not turning things off anymore, remember?” HIs smile was gentle, sincere and yet teasing.

Kevin laughed. “Right. No more turning it off.”

“And that goes for once we’re back home, too. Just because everyone expects you to be the straight-laced, perfect Mormon you were when you left, doesn’t mean you have to be.” Connor added firmly. “I happen to like the coffee-drinking, swearing, out-of-dress-code Kevin Price more anyway.”

And Kevin knew he shouldn’t indulge himself, shouldn’t give in to temptation, but Connor was right there and he was being so sweet, and so Kevin reached out, ignoring his wet, soapy hands, and pulled Connor into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered into Connor’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Connor returned the hug. “You’re my friend, Kevin. Do you really believe I would think anything else?”

\--------

When Kevin got back to their room, Arnold was sitting on his bed, looking forlornly at Kevin’s suitcase. “Hey,” Kevin said, sitting down next to his friend. “what’s up, pal?”

“I don’t think it really hit me until now,” said Arnold. “You’re all really leaving.”

“Yeah,” said Kevin. “We are.”

“I’m going to be alone here,” he smiled sadly. “At least this time I’m leaving my friends instead of the other way around.”

“What? Arnold, no!”

“What do you mean no?”

Kevin put his hand on Arnold’s shoulder. “You, Arnold Cunningham, are my best friend, alright? That’s not going to change just because we’re on opposite sides of the world.” 

“I know, it’s just…” Arnold sniffed. “Last time we split up, things didn’t go so well, y’know?”

Kevin pulled his friend into a hug. “Nothing like that is going to happen this time, I promise.”

“But what if -”

“Shut up,” Kevin said, cutting Arnold off. “If you think about it you're just going to make yourself panic. We are still going to be friends, no matter how far apart we are.”

“Ok,” said Arnold shakily. They sat there for a moment, hugging each other and enjoying the peace and quiet. Arnold sniffed one more time. “I love you.”

Kevin smiled. “I love you too.”

\--------

When Kevin stepped off the airplane after the flight the first thing that he noticed was the temperature. He’d known instinctively that it was colder in Salt Lake City in September than it was in Uganda, but he still hadn’t been expecting it. Shivering, he cursed his lack of a jacket and resolved to buy the first one he saw in the airport.

After making his way through customs and stopping at a store to buy a hoodie, which he shrugged on over his mission uniform immediately, he finally reached the exit. Taking a deep breath, he stared at the door in apprehension. On the other side, his family was waiting for him eagerly. But what would they think about the new Kevin Price that had come back from Uganda?

Taking another deep breath to fortify himself, he walked out of the building. He immediately spotted his family - it wasn’t hard, there was only one group of seven people standing around - and made his way over to them. Halfway there, his brother turned around and saw him. “Kevin!” he called. The rest of the family immediately turned. Despite his worries Kevin began beaming at the sight of them and started to run, dragging his suitcase behind him. He crashed into them, dropping his suitcase and throwing his arms around the the nearest person, who happened to be his brother. Everyone else piled around them, until the entire Price clan was wrapped in a group hug.

Finally Kevin made a disgruntled noise and began to worm his way out of the group. Taking the hint, the rest of his family pulled away as well, and began to individually greet him. When it got to his mom, Kevin wrapped her tightly in a hug. She did the same, whispering in his ear, “It’s so good to have you back, sweetheart.”

“It’s good to be back, Mom.” he replied.

When the hugs and kisses and exclamations about how different he looked were over, his dad clasped him on the shoulder. “How do you feel about breakfast, son?”

“Baked Apple?” Kevin asked hopefully. 

His dad chuckled, “Where else?”

They all piled into the Price Family van, somehow making room amongst the eight of them fr Kevin’s luggage as well. His younger siblings began bombarding him for information about Uganda, but his mom cut them off with a laugh. “Kids, let’s wait until we’re all at breakfast to ask Kevin questions, alright?”

When they finally pulled up the the little diner, they were practically vibrating with the urge to ask questions. Kevin laughed, and ruffled his little sister’s hair. He’d forgotten how adorable his siblings could be.

The lady at the door of the diner greeted them. “Hey, Prices, it’s nice to - why, Kevin! I didn’t realize you were back!”

He smiled fondly at the older woman, and stepped forward to give her a hug. “Yes, Mrs. Rigoletti. Just got back this morning.”

“Well it’s good to have you home, boy.” She said. “Y’all know where your table is.”

The Price family had been coming to this diner on Saturday mornings for as long as Kevin could remember, and they always sat at a specific table in the back corner. Within two minutes of them sitting down, Mrs. Rigoletti came over, a stack of menus in her hand. “Do y’all even need these, or are you getting the usual?”

Kevin smiled happily at the thought of the chocolate chip waffles that he always got. He’d missed those a lot over the past two years. But still, there was a change that needed to be made to his normal menu. “Actually, can I get a cup of coffee?”

His family all turned to look at him in shock. Even Mrs. Rigoletti was surprised, although she was better at hiding it. “Sure, honey. You want cream and sugar with that?”

“No thanks, black will be fine.”

“Alrighty then. The Price family usual, plus a cup of coffee. That’ll be out in a jiff!”

When she was gone, his father turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Coffee?”

Kevin shrugged. “Yeah?”

“Are you sure?”

He laughed. “Dad, I’ve been drinking coffee with breakfast every morning for two years. I’m sure.”

His parents exchanged glances. Meanwhile his little brother became unable to hold back any more and exclaimed. “Tell us about your mission, Kevin!”

“Well,” he said hesitantly. His mission hadn’t been orthodox and he wasn’t sure if his parents would appreciate him exposing all the details to his younger siblings. He didn’t even know how much his parents knew about what happened. “It was… unusual.”

“We figured from your letters that something happened,” said his mother. “But you never said anything specific, and the Church was surprisingly tight-lipped about the whole matter.”

Kevin laughed bitterly, “Well, they would be, wouldn’t they?”

“Kevin, I don’t know what that means,” said his dad firmly. “So tell us.”

And Kevin did. At first, he only meant to tell them the basics, but once he opened his mouth and started talking he couldn’t seem to stop. He told them about getting robbed at gunpoint, about getting covered in blood, about nearly leaving Arnold. He talked about the pageant, about helping Arnold to fight of the General. And when that was done he told them about how they all decided to stay, to keep spreading the new gospel his best friend had created, about how they agreed not to hide themselves, to let themselves feel whatever they wanted. He told them about making breakfast in the mornings, about water fights with the Ugandans, about Arnold and Naba and how they’d fallen in love. He told them everything he could think of - other than the incident with the General and his feelings for Connor. And when he was done and had no more words, he sat there, quietly, and waited for his family to pass judgement.

They were all silent at first, not saying a word. His parent’s faces were unreadable. Finally Jack - who had been on his mission when Kevin left - spoke up. “Man, I wish my mission had been that exciting!”

Kevin burst out laughing. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess it was an adventure wasn’t it?”

That was all the cue his family needed, it seemed, to begin badgering him with questions, their voices all overlapping. He looked around at all of the Prices. He was home, in America. There was no AIDS, no stifling heat, no ever-present threat of former warlords. Everything was, for the first time in two years, absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baked Apple is an actual restaurant and they sell amazing food, but it's in Chicago, and the owner isn't named Mrs. Rigoletti.
> 
> Don't forget to comment, subscribe, and leave kudos!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for some almost panic attacks here and there. No actual panic attacks, just mention of them.

College was not what Kevin had expected. In fact, since he came home, nothing seemed to be as he expected it.

After the first day back, Kevin had refused to leave the house. Everything was just so green. He knew Uganda was not all desert and dirt, but unfortunately Kitguli was in the area where very little grew unless cultivated carefully. The first day he’d been too caught up in his family and had ignored it. But once things settled back to normal, it became impossible to brush the issue to the side. Besides, the look of the land was not the only thing that bothered him.

Everyone here was just so _busy _.__ Everyone in Uganda had been busy too, but there had been a purpose behind it. Here everyone was busy just because they could be. They needed the constant stimulation, so they crammed as much activity into their days as they could. And that was without factoring in cars and trains.

The first time Kevin tried to leave the house, he had a panic attack. He got to the sidewalk outside the fence, and a car came zooming by and he fell back in shock. He ended up panicking on the sidewalk until his mother found him when she came out to get the mail. After that, things spiraled. Although he could handle cars better, the rest of the world was just too loud. He felt like there was no room for him to think. So he stayed inside and watched TV. Arnold had sent him home with a list of movies to be watched, so he put a sizeable dent in those. Then one day, his mother came up with a solution.

When Kevin was called down to dinner one night, about a month and a half after he got back, he was surprised to find a golden retriever sitting patiently by the table. “Mom,” he said slowly. “Why is there a dog in our house?”

“Kevin, this is Wendy. She’s a service dog, specially trained in people who have anxiety or PTSD. She’s yours.”

“What? A dog?” he asked in alarm. “You got me a service dog?”

“You have a panic attack whenever you set foot out of the front door,” she replied. “Wendy is trained to recognize when someone is about to have a panic attack and remove them from the triggering situation.”

“Mom, I’m really not sure that I’m capable of -”

“Kevin, just try it. Please,” she begged. “You’re my son, and I want you to be happy.”

He knelt down and began stroking Wendy’s back. She nosed at his hand in response. He smiled softly. “I guess I can give it a shot.”

Within two days, Kevin and Wendy were inseparable. Within three weeks Kevin was able to walk to the cafe a few blocks over and order a coffee. Within two months, he was able to handle most situations with perfect ease, as long as Wendy was by his side. She became what grounded him, what helped him stay focused. Whenever she sensed a panic attack coming she would lick at Kevin’s palm until he knelt down and pet her. The rhythmic strokes would calm him down and when she felt like danger had past she would nose at his knees and they’d be free to go on their away again. And when he had a nightmare - something that he had hoped would get better the farther he got from Uganda, but had in fact only gotten worse in the wake of his conversation with Butt Fucking Naked - she would lick his face until he woke up and lay down next to him so that he could hold her until he stopped shaking.

Through all this, he stayed in contact with the other elders, although some more than others. He and Connor texted all the time, and Arnold had sent him a few letters. Kevin sent back pictures of Wendy. His best friend seemed to think she was adorable (and she was, Kevin had to agree).

Then came time for college. Before his mission, the plan had been to go to BYU and study to become a minister. Once he explained to his family that he wasn’t exactly devout anymore though, they agreed that he could throw out that plan and pick a new one. The only problem was he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do. Anything to do with religion was out, but he still wanted to help people. Jack was finally the one who suggested something over dinner one night.

_“I mean, you want to help people right?” his brother asked._

_“Yeah.”_

_“Then why not social work? God knows those kids need help. My companion, he was in the foster system until he was ten. He had some horror stories, let me tell you.”_

So it was decided. Kevin would go to Fordham in the Bronx and study to become a social worker. When he broke the news to Connor, his friend was ecstatic.

“Oh Kevin, that’s wonderful! Fordham isn’t that far from NYU where I’ll be! We can meet up all the time!” his friend beamed over the Skype call.

Kevin laughed, stroking Wendy’s head. “Great. You can finally take me to one of those Broadway shows you’re always talking about.”

Connor’s face lit up. “Kev, that’s perfect! Oh, what should we see? There’s so many good shows to choose from -”

“Hold on, Con, there’s still six months until we actually go to school.”

“Sorry,” Connor said, flushed. “I’m just so excited that we’ll be close! I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Kevin replied, a lump forming in his throat. He did miss Connor. No matter how much they texted or Skyped, it wasn’t the same as actually sitting next to each other and talking. “But hey, just six months, yeah?”

“Six months.” Connor replied happily.

When move-in day finally arrived, Kevin’s parents came with him, leaving his younger siblings under Jack’s care in Utah. Due to Wendy, he had a single room. The room looked so empty to Kevin and he regretted not having a roommate. Even though it had been several months since Uganda, he still missed sharing a space with someone (even if he didn’t miss the way that someone had snored).

When his parents had finally left him to finish unpacking he flopped on his bed, which was low enough to the ground that Wendy could easily jump up and reach it. She curled around him and he buried his nose in her fur, taking a deep breath to ground himself. He was going to college, and he was going to help people. Connor was only an hour, he had a wonderful dog to cuddle with when he was lonely, and he had a best friend, even if that best friend was an entire ocean away. Everything would be alright.

\--------

Wendy quickly became the campus darling. All of his professors loved her. Some even started bringing treats to give to her. She loved all the attention, but Kevin was worried his dog was going to get fat. When he took her out to the quad for the first time, just to get some fresh air, she lay with her head on his lap as he read, until he decided to play fetch with her. Some of the other students on the quad took that as their cue and from then on when he came outside to study, they would bring tennis balls and play fetch with her while Kevin read. The one time he had a panic attack in class, she set herself up as a barrier between him and the rest of his classmates, growling slightly at anyone who came to close to him. Kevin was mortified afterwards - what kind of functioning adult has a panic attack in the middle of their sociology class? Was he going to have a breakdown anytime they discussed rape or murder? However, the rest of his class seemed to focus more on how sweet his dog was to protect him - and when the professor asked a question about it later Kevin simply said he’d spent two years in Uganda and the subject was dropped. That incident, though, was what cemented Wendy as the favorite of everyone on campus. She became almost an unofficial school mascot. But Kevin wasn’t worried about what his classmates would think of his dog.

Connor had met Wendy, sure, but only via Skype calls and pictures. Although Kevin objectively knew that Connor would love his dog, he was still nervous for them to meet in person for the first time. So when Connor texted and asked if he could come and visit over the weekend, it took Kevin several moments to calm his nerves and reply.

_Of course! You can stay in my dorm, if you don’t mind Wendy!_

Within two minutes Connor had sent a reply: _Kevin, the only reason I’m coming is to cuddle with your dog, why on earth would I mind sharing a room with her?_

Kevin laughed. Connor expressed so much enthusiasm for meeting Wendy that for a while it soothed Kevin’s nerves. But nothing lasts forever and by the time the day of Connor’s visit came, Kevin’s nerves were back in full force.

They agreed to meet at the Fordham train station, which was only a few minutes walk from campus. Kevin got there half an hour early and sat on a bench in the terminal, bouncing his leg up and down nervously. It had been nearly a year since he’d seen Connor in person. What if they’d changed? What if they didn’t fit together anymore the way they had in Uganda? What if everything was awkward and they couldn’t talk to each other when there wasn’t a screen between them? Wendy began licking at his palm and he reached down to stroke her absentmindedly. She rested her head on his bouncing knee and he abruptly stopped, bending down to press a kiss to her head. “Thanks, Wendy,” he murmured. “Love you, girl.”

“It figures that the first time I see you in a year you’re too busy showering your dog in affection to say hello,” someone teased.

Kevin’s head snapped up. “Connor!”

His friend beamed down at him. “Hey, Kev.”

Instantly Kevin was on his feet, stepping forward to give Connor a hug. He stopped at the last second though, and held out his hand to shake. “Er - hi?”

Connor rolled his eyes affectionately. “Come here and give me a hug, doofus.”

Kevin beamed and wrapped his arms around Connor. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too,” said Connor, pulling back from the hug and smiling happily. Suddenly he let out a gasp and dropped to his knees. “And you must be Wendy! Well, aren’t you just adorable!”

Kevin laughed, “You can pet her, if you want.”

“Really? She’s not, like, working or something?”

“Well,” Kevin hesitated. “She’s not really a working service dog, in that sense. She’s not trying to guide me anywhere or anything. Just try not to hang off of her in public too much? In private it’s fine, I don’t really have any attacks unless I go outside. You should be good for now, just don’t distract her too much if we go outside.”

Connor nodded, and then instantly reached out and wrapped his arms around Wendy, who woofed happily and licked his face. “Who’s a good dog? Who’s a good doggie?”

Kevin laughed. “I should have known you’d act like this. You never could contain yourself when Masara visited from the next village with Kimi.”

“Kimi was a beautiful dog and deserved to be loved,” said Connor, grinning. “You know who else is a beautiful dog? This lovely lady right here!” He went back to cooing over Wendy, who was soaking up the attention happily.

“Should I leave you two alone…?” Kevin asked teasingly.

Connor laughed and hopped to his feet. “No, don’t worry, I’ll give you attention too.” They stood there for a moment, just smiling at each other when he suddenly blurted. “It’s really good to see you again, Kev.”

He smiled. “You too, Con.”

They stood there quietly, just staring at each other, blinding grins on their faces. Finally Wendy nudged Kevin’s knee and woofed, upset that all the attention wasn’t on her anymore. Kevin laughed awkwardly and dropped his gaze to Wendy as he scratched behind her ears. With the moment broken, he gestured towards the street. “You want to go drop your stuff in my dorm?”

Connor nodded and they took off down the street together. It was a few minutes walk to campus, and they excitedly caught up on everything that had been happening recently, although it was a little redundant because they texted almost daily. When they finally got to the dorms Kevin led Connor in, stopping briefly to introduce him to Ryan, a student from his Intro to Psych class.

“Well, here we are. Home sweet home,” Kevin said, gesturing grandly to his room.

“Very nice,” said Connor, as he admired the decorations. He dumped his things on the bed, hurrying towards a wall with several dozen photos on it. “Is this?”

“Kitguli,” Kevin nodded.

“You have this many photos of Uganda up on your wall?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, just…” Connor shrugged awkwardly. “You always seemed like you couldn’t wait to get away.”

“Oh god, I wanted to leave so _bad_ ,” Kevin laughed. “But, I don’t know… It’s home, yeah? They’re family now.” There was a moment of silence as Connor didn’t reply, just smiled fondly at him. Kevin felt his cheeks flush. “ _What?_ ”

“Kevin Price, I do believe that is the most mature thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“Oh fuck off.”

Connor giggled. “Nope!” He dropped to the floor and began coddling Wendy, who whined happily. “So what’re we doing tonight?”

“There’s a decent pizza place nearby, I was thinking we could go there for some food?”

“As long as you’re paying,” Connor teased.

Kevin couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so happy. It was odd, he thought, that his idea of happiness was sitting on the floor of his dorm room, sharing a greasy pizza over an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, fighting off an enthusiastic dog in her desperate search for pizza and belly rubs. But then, nothing about his life had really been normal. Even before the mission, he knew that his upbringing hadn’t been conventional. He didn’t know many other children growing up who had had as many rules to follow. But it never bothered him, how different his life was, until he went to Uganda and realized his life wasn’t really as different as he thought. Until Africa, until warlords and and best friends and defying everything he thought he knew, he’d actually had a relatively normal existence.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Connor’s voice broke Kevin out of his reverie.

“Sorry,” Kevin said, smiling apologetically. “I spaced out for a moment. What did you say?”

“I said I’ve got a recital in two weeks,” Connor replied around a bite of pizza. “Do you want to come?”

“You want me to come to your recital?”

Connor flushed. “Well, yeah. You’re one of my best friends, of course I want you there. But if you don’t want to come it’s fine!” He quickly reassured Kevin. “I’m just a freshman so I don’t have a very big part, I’m just a background dancer and -”

“Connor!” Kevin exclaimed. “Of course I want to come!”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It’s like you said, we’re best friends. Why wouldn’t I be there to support you? Just send me the address and the time of the recital. I’ll be there.”

Connor beamed at him and turned back to the show. Kevin looked down and stroked Wendy’s head as she lay on his lap, looking forlornly at the last slice of pizza in the box. This might not be normal, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t good.

\--------

Kevin and Connor became inseparable. Well, as inseparable as they could be considering they lived about an hour apart. They made the best of it though, always traveling to visit each other, Kevin convincing Connor to try dozens of little hole-in-the-wall restaurants and Connor doing his best to drag them to as many Broadway shows as their college student budgets would allow. In between all of that, they introduced each other to their friends, going on group outings when they were able. When they weren’t together they were almost constantly texting, or FaceTiming. It got to the point where Kevin’s friends began to question some things.

“Dude, what’s up with you lately?” asked Ryan. The two of them were huddled on the floor in Kevin’s dorm, their Psych textbooks and notes spread out around them. Midterms were coming up and they were supposed to be studying together. Wendy lay curled up on a pillow under Kevin’s bed, her head resting close enough to his hand that he could reach out and pet her if he needed to.

“What?” replied Kevin, not looking up from his phone.

“You’re constantly smiling at your phone, it’s kind of creepy.”

“What? No I’m not!” He looked up guiltily, trying to stop the flush that was spreading across his cheeks.

“You were literally doing it just now.” Ryan shot him an unimpressed look. “What’s so important that you can’t look away for even a few seconds?”

“Nothing! Sorry, i didn’t even realize that I’ve been -” Kevin was cut off as his phone buzzed. He automatically reached for it, a small smile growing on his face thinking about how Connor had probably sent him another dog meme.

“Dude! That’s it! That’s exactly what I’m talking about!” said Ryan. “We’re supposed to be studying, but you can’t look away from your phone long enough to read anything! Who are you texting anyway?” Kevin looked down guiltily and and smile bloomed on Ryan’s face. “Is it a girl? Kevin Price, do you have a girlfriend? Is that why you’re so distracted lately? You’re getting some -”

“It’s not a girl!” Kevin blurted.

“It’s not?” Ryan frowned. “Then who - oh. Oh! Ok, a dude then. The question still stands. I thought we were buddies, Kevin. Buddies don’t hold out on each other like this!”

“It’s nothing like that,” Kevin mumbled. “It’s just Connor.”

Ryan stared at him for a moment, then nodded understandingly. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“What?”

“You and Connor? I can totally see it. I mean, you stare at him like a lovesick puppy. I should have realized you were together sooner.”

Kevin was horrified. “I do _what?_ ”

“You stare at him with almost literal hearts in your eyes. It’s cute at first but now it’s just kind of nauseating, especially because he looks at you the exact same way. I know you said you were on your mission together, so I just assumed you were really good friends but if you’re dating that makes so much sense.”

“We’re not dating!” Ryan stared at him a minute, then reached over and smacked him on the back of his head. Kevin winced away and shot his friend a glare. “Ow! What the fuck was that for?”

“You’re an idiot,” Ryan informed him succinctly. “That man looks at you like you’re the only person in the universe. Why the hell wouldn’t you be dating?”

“He does?” Kevin was dumbfounded. All this time he’d thought his feelings for his friend were unrequited. Was there a chance that they weren’t?

“Yeah, dude and when he’s not staring at you he’s staring at your dog. He might love Wendy more than he loves you,” Ryan said dryly.

“I… I never realized, I…” The load of new information he’d been given was slightly overwhelming and Kevin wasn’t really sure how to handle it.

Ryan shifted over, resting a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s ok if it’s too much for you. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Just forget I said anything, yeah? I’m probably reading too much into the situation.”

“Yeah,” said Kevin, reaching out blindly for Wendy. She nuzzled into his hand, standing up and padding forward far enough to rest her head on his knee. “Yeah ok.”

\--------

Kevin tried to put it out of his mind, he really did. But no matter how he tried, all he could think about were Ryan’s words. Was there a possibility that Connor actually liked him back? After over two years of living with the knowledge that his love was unrequited it was quite the shock to suddenly be presented with a sliver of hope, no matter how small. He found himself analyzing all of his interactions with Connor, hoping to find some small hidden meaning in maybe the way Connor tilted his head when he laughed, or always brought Wendy treats, or how they inevitably ended up curled around each other at some point during the night.

Despite the new meaning that Ryan’s words had brought to some of these actions, nothing changed in Kevin’s relationship with Connor. They still hung out on weekends, they still texted almost constantly. Nothing changed. Which was why Kevin was completely unprepared when Connor showed up at his dorm one Friday night.

Their plans had started like any other - Connor had texted Kevin and asked to come over for the weekend. Kevin had agreed, and Connor had immediately replied that he wanted to go to that nice Italian restaurant a few blocks from campus. _Dress nicely!! :)_ his message had said, and so Kevin had, digging out the one button down shirt he owned. This was nothing new for them. They’d made a point to try as many restaurants near their respective colleges as they could (as long as said restaurants were within their nearly non-existent budgets). This Italian place was a little outside what Kevin would normally feel comfortable spending, but Connor offered to pay and overall nothing was unusual about the plans they had made. Nothing seemed off to Kevin until Connor arrived.

Kevin opened the door to his dorm at the sound of the somewhat tentative knock. “Connor?” he asked. “What’s wrong? You’ve never knocked - before…”

Standing in front of him, blushing bashfully and clutching a bouquet of roses, was Connor. “Hey, Kevin,” he said shyly.

Kevin frowned. “Connor? What’s with the flowers?”

“They’re for you,” he replied, thrusting them out. “I hope you like them.”

“They’re beautiful, Con, but why are you bringing me flowers…” Kevin’s eyes widened as a sudden thought hit him. The nice restaurant, offering to pay for dinner. “Connor is this a date?”

“If you want it to be,” was the mumbled reply. Connor shifted awkwardly as Kevin stared at him. This was everything Kevin had wanted for over two years now. Even when Ryan had given him a glimmer of hope a few weeks ago, he’d never expected for anything to change in his and Connor’s relationship. He was content being just friends, content just with having Connor in his life. To think that now Connor was offering him more than that was almost overwhelming.

“I - I would love for this to be a date.” Kevin smiled, and brought the flowers up to his nose. He’d never thought he’d have someone to bring him a bouquet on a date. “Thank you for the roses.”

Connor smiled nervously. “You’re serious? You want this to be a date?”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Cool, awesome!” Connor beamed. “That’s good, that’s really good.”

They stood there staring at each other, both grinning like idiots. Finally Kevin glanced down at the flowers. “I’ll just go put these in water, yeah? Then we can head out.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“Good,” Kevin replied, biting his lip to try and tame his smile even just a little bit. He quickly hurried off before he did something to make a fool of himself. As he hurried into the bathroom attached to his room, he heard Connor greet Wendy with his usual enthusiasm. Shutting the door, he leaned back against it and stared down at the flowers in his hands. He lifted them to his face to smell them again. That was when it finally hit him - this was real. Connor had really just asked him on a date.

For lack of a vase, he filled the sink with water and rested the flowers gently on the sink so that their stems were submerged in the water. Running his hand through his hair, he checked one last time to make sure that everything was perfect before taking a deep breath and stepping out of the bathroom. Connor looked up from where he was crouched on the floor beside Wendy. Beaming he asked, “Are you ready to go?” Kevin nodded and set about getting Wendy’s harness and leash on her. When he was done he turned to Connor, who smiled and held out his arm. “Shall we?”

Kevin reached out and linked his arm through Connor’s proffered one. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

The walk to the restaurant was filled with casual chatter as they caught each other up on what had happened since they’d last seen each other two weekends ago. When they finally reached the restaurant Connor smiled at the hostess, asking about the reservation he’d made. Within a few minutes they were seated, Wendy resting at Kevin’s feet under the table.

The meal passed normally, with the distinct exception of Kevin reaching across the table to hold Connor’s hand once they’d finished their entrees. He’d been tentative at first, but Connor had practically lit up at the contact and Kevin hadn’t let go of his hand since.

It was as they were looking at the dessert menus that something happened. At first they didn’t realize someone was trying to get their attention as they debated whether or not to split a slice of cheesecake or a brownie sundae. It wasn’t until the person walked up beside their table and began to hover over them that they realized something was wrong.

“Can we help you?” Kevin asked.

“Do you mind taking your dog outside?” asked an older man, fake politeness evident on his face. “There aren’t any animals allowed in the restaurant.”

“She’s a therapy dog, so she’s allowed in,” replied Kevin smoothly, before turning back to Connor. “How can you not want the brownie sundae! It’s two desserts for the price of -”

“If she’s a therapy dog then what’s your disability?” sneered the man. “You don’t look blind or deaf.”

“Not everyone who needs a therapy dog is blind or deaf, sir. Now if you don’t mind my date and I are trying to enjoy our meal,” Connor answered. Kevin felt his heart soar when Connor called him his date, and he smiled softly at his friend.

“Actually, I do mind!” The man snarled. “Having a dog in a restaurant is disgustingly unsanitary! You may want your dog in here with you bad enough to attach a fake therapy vest to her, but some of us don’t want fur in our food! Now take your mutt outside before I call management.”

“Hey!” snapped Connor. “Wendy is a legitimate therapy dog! Just because you’re ignorant it doesn’t give you an excuse to come over here and harass us!”

“Connor, stop,” said Kevin.

“No! He doesn’t get to talk about you and Wendy that way.” He stood up and glared at the man. “Not every therapy dog is for someone with a physical disability, you ignorant ass! Just because someone looks fine on the outside doesn’t mean they always are on the inside. Wendy hasn’t moved from under the table the entire night, so your precious food is safe. Next time you want an excuse to be a dick, come up with a better reason!”

“Excuse me,” said a new voice. They turned to see a manager standing there, the waitress who had been serving them standing timidly behind him. “Is there a problem?”

“Yes!” the man hissed vindictively. He pointed an accusing finger at Wendy, who had stood up and laid her head on Kevin’s knee. Kevin, in an attempt to keep calm, was stroking her gently. “These men have brought a _dog_ onto the premises! I demand you have them take her outside at once!”

The manager peered under the table at Wendy. Then he stood back up and shrugged. “She looks like a therapy dog, those are allowed in the restaurant. I don’t see the problem here.”

“The _problem?_ ” The man squawked indignantly. “This man clearly has no need for a therapy dog, that’s the goddamn problem! I don’t want a dog sitting around in the same place I _eat_! I want her out of here _now!_ ”

“Sir,” said the manager, “I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.”

“If you want me to calm down then get the goddamn dog out of here!”

“Connor, let’s just go,” Kevin sighed.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded and stood up, grabbing Wendy’s leash. “I have ice cream back in my dorm. We can just have that for dessert.”

“Sirs, your meal is on the house,” announced the manager. “I’m very sorry for the way you’ve been treated here. Please know that both you and your dog are always welcome here.” Beside the manager, the man spluttered.

Kevin shot him a small smile. “Thank you. Con?” Connor reached out and entwined his fingers with Kevin’s, and together they walked out of the restaurant.

They walked several blocks in silence, before Connor stopped walking and sighed. Kevin turned to look at him as he said, “Kev, I’m really sorry about how this all went down, tonight was supposed to be perfect and instead…” He took a deep breath and went to speak again but before he could Kevin bent down and pressed a kiss to his lips.

It was a chaste kiss, little more than mouths pressed together, and the inexperience was obvious on both sides. Still, as they seperated and Connor’s other hand came up to wrap around Kevin’s waist, he didn’t think he’d ever been happier. He smiled down at the other man and said quietly. “Connor, tonight was amazing. One asshole can’t change that.”

Connor bit his lip nervously and peered up at Kevin through his eyelashes. “Really?”

Kevin nodded. “Really.” He chuckled lightly and let his gaze dropped to their intertwined hands. “Also, not going to lie, watching you stand up for me and Wendy like that was really hot.”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Connor burst out laughing. “Kevin!”

“What?” he asked, grinning cheekily. “I’m just telling the truth.”

Connor giggled again and move upwards, pressing a light kiss first to the bridge of Kevin’s nose, and then his lips. “Come on, let’s head back. I’m starving and you said something about ice cream?”

“How are you starving? We literally just finished eating,” Kevin said as they began to walk again, Wendy brushing against his legs every so often.

“Well,” replied Connor, “defending my two favorite things in the whole wide world burns calories.”

Kevin laughed, and as he did so he thought how strange it was that even though something like the incident in the restaurant had happened it had still been one of the best nights of his life. “I wasn’t aware I was worth more to you than a pair of dance shoes,” he teased. “But I’m not complaining.” _I’ll never complain about you_ , he added in his head.

Connor smiled and leant his head against Kevin’s shoulder for a few seconds. Kevin smiled at the street in front of him as they walked. This, right here, with Connor on one side and Wendy on the other, was everything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a panic attack and mentions of rape.

The next three years passed in a flash, a blur in Kevin’s mind. His relationship with Connor progressed, of course, as relationships tended to do. They held hands, kissed some more, fumbled through sex for the first time - although that had taken nearly a year.

The first time they nearly slept together, they had been making out on Kevin’s bed after ordering a pizza and trying to make it through a movie. They’d been laying next to each other, when suddenly Connor rolled them so he was on top. Kevin had felt a twinge of panic - last time he’d been in this position he’d been underneath  _ him _ -but he tried to brush it off, reassuring himself that this was Connor, Connor McKinley, the same person who was just as likely to break into song and dance as he was to laugh so hard he cried. However, all of Kevin’s carefully crafted composure slipped away when Connor trailed his hand down Kevin’s stomach to his crotch.

As soon as Connor’s hand made contact with his dick, Kevin yanked himself away from his boyfriend of three months. He was on the other side of the room in a flash, curled around himself protectively, his eyes blown wide with panic. Instantly Wendy was at his side, licking desperately at his hand and doing her best to nose under his palm to get him to pet her. Connor just watched dumbly as Kevin slowly came back to himself with Wendy’s help. Finally Kevin felt calm enough to uncurl himself and pull Wendy onto his lap. His breathing was still heavy and shallow, but it was infinitely better than it had been a few moments before this. 

“Kevin,” asked Connor quietly. “Are you -“

“I’m fine,” he replied harshly. “Just peachy.”

“Kevin -“

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Connor stared at him for a moment, then nodded. “Ok. Ok, that’s your choice. You don’t have to tell me what happened that caused you to react like that. But you need to tell me what your boundaries are so I don’t accidentally trigger another attack.”

“I… I just,” Kevin began crying, tears streaming down his face. “I want -“

At this Connor finally got up off the bed and crossed the room to his boyfriend. “Kev, can I touch you?” When Kevin nodded weakly, Connor wrapped his arms around the other boy’s shoulders and snuggled into his side. “You don’t need to tell me now. But give me some warning before next time.”

“That’s… That’s it, Con. I don’t know if I  _ want _ a next time,” Kevin hiccuped.

“Ok,” said Connor. “That’s fine. Whatever you want, honey.”

Three months later Kevin finally told Connor about what had happened - about the General, about his  _ stupid _ idea that he could somehow change the warlord’s mind, about how the guards had held him down as he kicked and struggled, about the book and how the doctor had laughed. Connor listened to all of it, not interrupting once, even when tears began to silently streak down both of their faces. When Kevin was done Connor wrapped him up in his arms and held him, rocking back and forth as they cried. “I’m so sorry, Kev,” he whispered. “You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

After telling his story to someone for the first time since it had happened, Kevin felt lighter than he ever had. In an effort to remove the rest of the weight of his experiences from his shoulders, and to work through things so that he could feel comfortable being physical with Connor (every time he brought that up Connor always insisted that  _ I shouldn’t be the reason you want to talk about this, you should do it for yourself, not me _ ) he decided to start going to therapy.

His therapist was an older man, most likely in his late sixties, early seventies, with a very eccentric way of being. He talked about his wife far too much, complained about the state of the world and “those damn millennials” and sometimes Kevin thought that  _ he  _ was the therapist instead of the other way around. But ultimately Kevin did feel better after each appointment and so he continued to go and work with Dr. Weisenbachfeld. Truthfully, he thought, Dr. Weisenbachfeld was very fond of him. At first he wasn’t sure about the doctor - the first time they met, he hadn’t stopped staring at Kevin as though seeing a ghost. After a few sessions, however, he began to relax and they developed a friendly dynamic. This friendship continued, but sometimes, even after six months of meeting twice a week, Kevin would find the man staring at him with a faraway look in his eyes.

The summer after his sophomore year Kevin - having successfully worked through several of his own personal issues and sleeping with Connor a month or so before - decided that it was time to work through the rest of his problems as well. With that in mind, he hesitantly extended an invitation to come back to Salt Lake City with him. Connor was concerned at first - Kevin’s parents still didn’t know they were dating, after all. But Kevin insisted, and so the two of them flew out to Utah the day after they both finished their exams.

Kevin’s father greeted them at the airport, beaming at the sight of his son. “Kevin!”

“Hey, Dad,” Kevin replied, enveloping his father in a hug. When he pulled back he gestured towards Connor. “Dad, this is Connor McKinley. He was the district leader on my mission."

“How do you do, sir?” Connor asked, shyly extending his hand.

Kevin’s father took it. “I’m wonderful, thank you. And thank you for doing such a good job getting my son home safely from Africa. I know your mission was a little eccentric.”

Connor laughed. “Oh, I had help. Your son was just as instrumental in making sure  _ I _ got home as I was for him.”

Kevin’s mother had greeted them warmly, bypassing Connor’s outstretched hand in favor of a hug. After the typical greetings had occurred, Kevin quietly asked if the four of them could talk. Thankfully all of the younger kids were at school and Jack was still away at college for another week. This wasn’t a discussion Kevin wanted his siblings to hear.

He took a deep breath. “Mom, Dad, there’s something you should know.”

“You’re gay, aren’t you?” his mom asked.

“What?” Kevin frowned. “How did you know?”

She laughed, but it was melancholy, not joyful. “Please, with that face? There was no way you could be straight.” His father reached out and rested a hand on his wife’s should as she smiled sadly.

“What do you mean, with my face?” Kevin asked. 

“Never mind that, son,” his father said, waving away the conversation. “I assume you’re dating Connor?”

Kevin nodded. “It’ll be a year and three months next week.”

His dad smiled at Connor. “Well then. Welcome to the family, kid.”

That night, after Connor had been introduced to, and received a warm welcome from, the rest of the family Kevin led him up into his childhood bedroom. The door had scarcely closed behind them before Connor burst into tears. Kevin rushed to his boyfriend in alarm. He cradled his face and wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “Con? What’s wrong?”

“They accepted you,” he whispered in response. “They welcomed me to the family.”

It hit Kevin then, what Connor was upset about. Even now, three years after returning from Uganda, Connor had still had no contact with his own family. Now here were the parents of his boyfriend welcoming him with open arms and loving hearts, when his own had pushed him away. Anyone would be upset by that. Kevin pulled Connor into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Of course they did, baby. I love you, so they love you.”

Connor froze. “You… You love me?” He whispered weakly into Kevin’s shoulder. 

Kevin smiled. “Of course I do. I’ve loved you for a long time now. Do you know the first time I knew that I loved you?”

“No, what was it?”

“You were trying to teach Malama’s daughter to waltz,” Kevin chuckled. “You let her stand on your toes and the two of you just danced around and around the room… I was so happy just watching you. That was when I knew.”

“I love you too,” Connor replied with a sniff. “I’ve loved you since you agreed to go wading into the pond to get me back my favorite pen, even though Mafala told you there might be crocodiles.”

Kevin laughed. “I had mud in my shoes for weeks.”

“You were like my knight in shining armor,” Connor said quietly.

Kevin pulled back from the hug and took Connor’s face in his hands, pressing a light kiss to his forehead. “I’m still your knight in shining armor. It’s just that now you get to see me out of my armor too.”

Connor burst into giggles and slapped at his boyfriend’s chest. “Kevin!”

The highlight of that summer, however, was not introducing Connor to Kevin’s parents. No, the highlight of that summer came in the form of Arnold and Nabulungi.

Kevin was waiting at the arrival gate with Connor. He was scanning the crowd eagerly, hoping to catch a glimpse of his best friend. After two and a half years Kevin was finally going to be reunited with his best friend. And his wife too - Nabulungi was coming as well. They had made the decision to move to America when Mafala finally succumbed to his AIDS and passed away. Arnold was planning to go to NYU for creative writing, while Nabulungi was planning to find a job and take online classes to get her high school diploma. They were also planning a large wedding ceremony to hold as their wedding had been rather rushed. Nabulungi had wanted her father to be there and so they had had a very simple ceremony in Kitguli. Kevin had only learned of the news after the fact and was looking forward to his promised position of best man at the larger ceremony Arnold’s parents wanted to hold.

“Kevin!” Shrieked a familiar voice. 

Kevin spun around and caught sight of his best friend racing through the crowds of people. “Arnold!” He called, running forward to throw his arms around him. 

The pair clung to each other, not caring that they were in the middle of the walkway. “I missed you, best friend,” Arnold whispered.

“I missed you too, buddy.”

“I missed you as well, Elder,” said a familiar accented voice.

Kevin pulled away from Nabulungi, beaming. “Naba! I missed you!” He engulfed her in a hug. “Arnold didn’t give you too much trouble on the flight over, did he?”

“Hey!” Arnold exclaimed. 

“Arnold, pal, I love you, but you were a  _ terror _ to fly with when we went to Uganda,” Kevin laughed.

“Kevin, you’re not exactly fun to fly with either,” Connor said wryly.

Arnold shrieked again. “Elder McKinley! It’s good to see you!”

Connor chuckled as Arnold drew him into a hug. “You too, Elder Cunningham. And it’s Connor, please. I’m not your district leader anymore.”

The four of them made there way out of the airport. Naba and Connor were walking together. She was recounting all the plays the Kitguli people had put on since the other elders had left. Arnold and Kevin were walking together, chatting and catching up.

“I’m really sorry your parents can’t be here,” said Kevin.

Arnold shrugged. “It’s no big deal. It’s not their fault that the cheapest flight to Salt Lake City lined up with their vacation. Besides, it gives me some time to get Naba used to America before she meets them.”

“That’s probably good,” Kevin replied. “Although from the way she’s rocking those jeans, she’s going to do just fine.”

“Oh, those.” Arnold laughed. “She insisted on shopping for “American clothes” when we had a layover between flights. She didn’t want to look out of place. I had to drag her away from the Gucci store though - she’s never been to any shops except the Kitguli market and all they do there is barter. I’m not sure she understand actual money yet.”

“She’ll get there. The two of you will do fine - you’ve got college almost fully paid for with those scholarships and if you need any help Connor and I are going to be in New York too.”

“You’re right, buddy.” Arnold said. “Speaking of Connor, how’s everything with him? I’m assuming the two of you are disgustingly in love?”

“It’s good,” replied Kevin, a happy smile on his face. “It’s really good.”

“That’s good.” Arnold stared at him thoughtfully. “You’ve gotten a lot softer since I last saw you.”

“Softer?”

“Yeah. You’re in a t-shirt and sweats, not a pressed shirt and tie which might have something to do with it, but I think it’s just that you look happier. You’re smile is more real than the perfect-Mormon-600-megawatt one you had before.”

“I’m not the only one’s who’s changed.” Kevin elbowed Arnold playfully. “You’ve lost at least half your body weight! And put on muscle. You look like you could lift heavier boxes than Mutombo.”

“That’s how I got all the muscles,” Arnold said with a laugh. “By lifting heavy boxes.”

When Kevin and Connor returned to New York a month later Naba and Arnold came with them. The four of them rented a small two-bedroom apartment in a cheaper area of Manhattan. It was a bit of a trip for Kevin to get to school, but with so many people who cared for him close at hand, he didn’t mind having to wake up early in order to get to class.

Two years passed; it was March of Kevin’s senior year, and New York had just been hit with a massive snowstorm.

Kevin woke up the Saturday morning of the snow fall to the feeling of a hand carding through his hair and soft kisses being pressed to his lips. “Kevin,” someone whispered. “Kevin, honey, wake up.”

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled sleepily.

There was a light laugh. “Kevin, come on. Please wake up?”

He blearily opened his eyes and found Connor leaning over him. “Con?”

Connor smiled. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“What time is it?” he rasped.

“It’s 8 am,” Connor replied. Kevin made a face and closed his eyes again. Connor laughed. “Come on, sweetheart, it’s time to get up. Trust me, it’ll be worth your while.”

“It’s 8 in the fucking morning, Con,” Kevin groaned. “What’s so worth getting up this early?”

“It snowed last night.” Kevin’s eyes shot open to look at Connor, who had an amused smile on his face. “The roads and everything are completely covered.”

“Really?” He asked.

Connor nodded. “You know what this means, right?”

Kevin smiled. “Central Park sledding?”

An hour and a half later they’d joined the throngs of people in the Park. They looked a little out of place - most of the people there were parents with small children - but they didn’t really care. This was a tradition they’d established when they were freshman - both of them were so amazed to see snow after two years in Uganda that they’d acted like little kids, building a snowman, making snow angels, and sledding. Four years later, they still went to the park when it snowed, embracing their inner children and spending a day goofing off in the snow.

After several times down the hill, Kevin stretched out in the snow, even though he could feel snow sneaking into his snowsuit as he did so (he didn’t know why, but he’d been losing weight recently. All of his clothes had suddenly become too big, but on a student budget he didn’t have enough money to get new everyday outfits, much less snow-appropriate clothing). He loved snow days, loved being able to have so much fun and let go of all his worries for a few hours. He’d been more tired than normal lately, though and as such had decided to take a rest while Connor continued to drag the sled up the hill. Wendy padded through the snow and laid her head on his chest, shooting him a pleading look. He laughed and patted her head. Wendy did  _ not _ like the snow, and never seemed to understand why her human had so much fun in it. “I promise we’ll go home soon,” he told her. “Connor will probably want hot chocolate in a little while anyway.”

A few minutes later Connor plopped into the snow next to Kevin and laid down so that he was facing Wendy across his boyfriend’s chest. “Someone’s cold, I think,” he laughed.

“I have a baby for a therapy dog,” Kevin grumbled, although there was no real malice in his tone.  

“You’ve spoiled her,” Connor chastised.

“Can you blame me?”

Connor laughed. “Not really, no.”

They were silent, just enjoying the silence of the park, occasionally interrupted by the gleeful shrieks of children. Occasionally Connor would shiver and borrow farther into Kevin’s side, seeking warm. Kevin lazily ran his fingers through Wendy’s fur. Through all of this, the snow continued to fall lightly. Finally, when Kevin was beginning to worry that his fingers would freeze and fall off, Connor sat up and looked down at him. “Do you think we should head back?”

Kevin looked up at his boyfriend, silhouetted against the sky. Snowflakes were falling gently and landing on his hat. Even though his lips were blue, he was smiling happily.  _ I never want this to end _ , Kevin thought.  _ I want to stay with him forever _ . In that moment, he could see their future: a wedding at his parent’s house, Wendy by their sides. Connor choreographing for broadway, taking Kevin to the opening night. Maybe they would adopt some kids some day. They could leave them with Naba and Arnold when they wanted to go on a date. It would be perfect, no matter what happened, Kevin realized, as long as Connor was there with him.

“Kevin?” Connor was frowning. “Is everything ok?”

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I was thinking.”

“Good things, I hope,” he replied, a teasing smile on his face.

Kevin leant upwards and kissed his boyfriend softly. “I was thinking about you, so of course it was good.”

Connor burst out laughing. “Oh my gosh, you  _ sap _ .” He was still laughing when he stood up and grabbed Wendy’s leash, before reaching down to help Kevin stand. “Just for that, i want extra marshmallows in my hot chocolate.”

Kevin saluted mockingly. “Sir, yes, sir!”   

They walked home together, hands intertwined, with Wendy trotting along by Kevin’s side.  _ This _ , Kevin thought,  _ this could be my forever _

\--------

A month later Kevin found himself standing outside a jewelry store. Ever since that day in the snow his mind had been flooded by thoughts of marrying Connor, solidifying what they already had. He’d even found himself doodling stupid things like  _ Kevin McKinley _ all over his notes in class. Ryan, who he’d met in Intro to Psych all those years ago, and who he now counted as one of his best friends, was still giving him shit for it weeks later.

So here he was on his day off, standing in the middle of the sidewalk (which was ill advised in New York, but he was trying not to freak out, ok?) staring nervously at the store’s sign. He sighed. He just had to take the first step and then everything would fall in line from there. He’d never get anywhere if he didn’t just take that first step.

He stepped forward and the world spun as he nearly fell over. Staggering he reached out and accidentally grabbed a stranger’s shoulder, using it for balance.

“What the fuck are you doing?” the person snapped.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kevin replied as his head started to clear. “I got hit with vertigo or something, I didn’t mean to grab you.”

The stranger just sneered and shook Kevin’s hand off their shoulder before walking off. Kevin sighed, but chalked it up as a normal encounter on the streets of New York and set his - now clear, thankfully - sights back on the jewelry store. 

Miracuously the inside was clear of people. The bell above the door rang as he came in and within a few seconds there was a young lady whose name tag read  _ Amy _ emerging from a door behind the counter. She smiled at him. “Welcome! How can I help you today, sir?”

“Hi, yes, I’m here to look at rings?”

“What kind?”

“What?” Kevin asked blankly.

“What kind of ring do you want to look at?” She asked. “Engagement rings, wedding rings, promise rings, rings that don’t have any specific purpose but look pretty…”

“Oh, uh, the first one, please.”

“Great!” Amy replied. “What kind of engagement ring are you looking for? Simple and elegant? Flashy, with lots of jewels?”   


“Simple and elegant, please.”

She smiled and reached into one of the glass cases to pull out a tray of rings. “I’ve got the perfect rings for you to look at right here, then! Take a look and let me know if any of them catch your eye.”

He peered down at the tray, feeling a little overwhelmed. What would Connor like in a ring? Probably something pink, he decided, or blue. His eyes trailed over the rings and stopped on one. It was a fairly simple gold band, with leaf-like patterns around the jewel. The little leaves had tiny diamonds in them. The jewel itself was a gorgeous pale blue, almost the color of Connor’s eyes. Kevin knew instantly that that was the one, that this would be the ring he proposed to Connor with no matter the price. “This one, please,” he said, pointing at it.

Amy hummed. “Nice choice! I’m sure your partner will love it!”

Kevin smiled. “Yeah, I think he will.”

“How long have you two been together?” She asked as she rummaged around in a cabinet for a box.

“Three and a half years, but we’ve been friends for about five.”

“How sweet,” she cooed, placing the ring in its box. “If you’ll step over to the register, I’ll ring you up!”

Five minutes later he was pocketing the little box, his wallet several hundred dollars lighter. Amy smiled at him. “Have a nice day! And good luck!”

He smiled back. “Thanks!” He went to take a step and felt his vision start to fog over again. Stumbling, he grasped at the counter.

“Oh my god, are you ok?” Amy asked.

“Yeah,” he said, yawning as a wave of exhaustion suddenly hit him. “Yeah, I’m fine, just tired I think.”

“If you’re sure…”

He smiled to reassure her and went to take another step, despite the spots still clouding his vision. His legs gave out on him and he collapsed, banging his head into the jewelry case as he went down. Everything went black and the last thing he heard was Wendy barking frantically.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks go to Erin ([christian-borle](http://christian-borle.tumblr.com/)) for being one of the greatest human beings alive and supporting me in this! You can find me on tumblr at [returnoftheborle](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/returnoftheborle) if you want to scream at me.


End file.
